Dave Barry: Taxes buy Vital Service of not being put in Prison.

Dave Barry sounds off on taxes. Hilarious. You’ll enjoy this.

But it’s also time to file your federal tax return. Yes, this is a pesky chore, but remember that paying taxes is not a ”one-way street.” When you send your money to the government, the government, in return, provides you with vital services, such as not putting you in prison. The government also uses your money to pay for programs that benefit all Americans, such as the Catfish Genome Project.

And this is only one teeny example of the ways in which your tax dollars help congresspersons stay in office. … There is no end to the list of projects that congresspersons would like you to finance so that they can take the credit. According to Citizens Against Government Waste, this year Congress is spending more than $17 billion on earmark, or ”pork,” projects, including:

• $372,375 to study the management of pig manure;

• $188,000 for something called the “Lobster Institute”;

• $183,705 for asparagus technology, and

• $150 to have a guy come clean out your garage.

I’m kidding about that last one, of course. The federal government has no time for your problems! It’s busy managing pig manure.

Why is the best political criticism expressed in the form of humor?

Via Andrew Sullivan.

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